It’s easy to lose yourself in an ocean of diarrhea that is the overwhelming population of New York City.
There’s a reason why people come here to submerge themselves in an endless abyss, where there’s no way out to be found. Sometimes there’s just no turning back. I suppose that’s the appeal that this enchantress holds for all those who fall under her spell.
New York is the girlfriend that will make you fall in love, right before she rips out your heart and breaks your spirit.
I’m on the edge of falling in, and what scares me isn’t that there’s no returning. What scares me is that I don’t want to look for a way out. I want to fall in, and once I do — I may find that I actually like it. I enjoy the feeling of being consumed, swallowed whole by a culture that embraces the lost and the bereft. The hope is that you’ll find yourself amongst the chaos. It’s a gamble that may not pay off. In fact, it may even drive you further down that chute.
But you see, that’s not how I was raised. I was raised to be responsible. To think of consequences. But spontaneity comes easy to me. I am reckless by nature and once I let myself give in to it there is no stopping the black rabbit hole I will fall into.
So here I am. Ready to crawl into non-existence.